Monday, March 23, 2009
Complete dossier, submit, dance with joy
Get The Call, freak out
Do a shot of vodka to celebrate, na zdorovia!
Make travel arrangements, pack, panic
Fly to Russia, meet baby Girl, dance with joy (stay one week)
Come home, wait for next call (court date)
Pray for baby Girl, back in Russia, blubber tears of sadness
Fly back to Russia, see the Kremlin, Red Square, more vodka, go to court, make it offical, more dances of joy (stay 3 weeks)
Fly home with Bek and Baby Girl as new family of 4!
Monday, March 16, 2009
There's really no other news. I have the usual intermittant waves of fear and joy. Fear that Russia will close it's doors or some other major catastrophe will happen in international adoptions, fear that she'll have some health issue we're not prepared to take on, fear that Bek will get sick during the 3 week trip and have a terrible asthma attack in Russia. Right around this point my mind starts twirling out of control and I take some deep Sat Nam breaths, focusing on the Truth, on my breathing, on nothingness. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I have a glass of wine and just go to bed!
The joy part is easy and I love when this wave hits. I get so overloaded with it at times that it's physically palpable. I know now though, that there is a lot she must go through. I know that joy might not come easy for her, even though we are overjoyed. Surely there may be many moments, even very quickly, of laughter or smiles. But her life started as loss, and when we take her from everything she's known it will be another loss. Some children are effected more by this than others, but all feel it on some level. I can go into this one with eyes wide open.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
>bek at one of the babyhouse visits
Well our last homestudy visit has been rescheduled for next Monday. It was supposed to be tonight. Brad had a work things that he forgot about and could not get out of. And since he's been writhing in pain for the last 2+ weeks with a serious case of the shingles, I cut him a break. This will give us time to finish up our taxes anyway.
At this point I really should start our dossier preparations. I don't know why, I'm having a hard time getting going on this round of paperwork. Could it be because all I've done for the last 3 months is paperwork?? Could it be I'm just tired of paperwork and want to be done and am in lazy mode?? Could it be some greater Force at work guiding me through each and every step of the process so as to set the whole plan in motion and determine who our daughter will be?? Hm. Maybe I just need another cup of coffee.
So of course my brain has been in Baby/Russia/Travel mode I seem to be thinking about the foods we ate in Uralsk and Almaty. Yes, somehow it's always about food for me. Sunday I made my rendition of a layered salad we had at Camelot in Uralsk. This restaurant had a whole King Arthur knights and castle thing going on, complete with swords and armour hanging on the walls. They tried their best to be able to offer their American patrons a menu written in English. Which was really nice and a great effort at customer service. Except the names of the dishes all came out like "bird beautiful on log" or "wind dancing thoughtfully", and if I remember correctly the name of the dish was in English but not the entire description. Brad and I wound up with this amazing salad that I've made many times now even after being home almost 5 years. I've added my own twists of course but basically it consisted of thin sliced cooked potato, long shredded raw carrot, super fine shredded white cheese that must've been in the swiss/gruyere family, julienne roasted beets, chopped pickle, crumbled hard cooked eggs, walnuts, raisins, and of course a huge dollop of that amazing, unpasturized mayonaise. I think our main entree was salmon but it was nothing memorable, it was this salad that stuck with me. Now having read many Russian/Kazakh/Eastern Europe cookbooks I have learned this is a very common salad and there are many variations but they will almost always include beets, potato, carrot & mayo. I will add fresh dill on mine as they use dill in everything. The mental journey that this salad takes me on is priceless!
Ok, coffee has kicked in. I'm off to get some paperwork done.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Outside of all my manic thoughts things are going great. We had our appointment at Homeland Security/Citizenship & Immigration yesterday. It felt like a big step closer to Her.
We took Bek out of school and he went with us. I wanted him to have a sense of being involved in the process and also it was just easier than trying to find someone to watch him at 8am & take him to school. It was strange being in the same square room with the American flag that we’d been in when we were going through the process with Bek. And there he was, 5 years old and our son & all his sweetness…waiting with us for our number to be called. It was a chilly but clear & beautiful day, just like the time before. Every Spring for the last 4.5 years, when I get the first deep breaths of that Springy wet greenness my entire psyche is taken back to getting our referral for Bek on March 15th,. I'll never forget that day when his face unfolded on the screen before us and my heart burst!
I am pretty much certain at this point that we are to go to Moscow. I have that same sense of Just Knowing, the way I did when I first read about Kazakhstan. No doubts creep into my head, no second guesses, it just feels like what we are to do. To be on the safe side I’ve done a lot of homework and talked to a lot of families who’ve done it. I’ve prayed and meditated and reflected. And what I’ve come up with is that it’s where our daughter will be waiting for us.