it's still soaking in that in 4-6 months we will be making our first trip. the first trip where we will fly to meet our sight unseen child. this information is still on the outer layers of my psyche, but it's slowly seeping in.
there were several families that went with the moscow region and left, empty handed so to speak. they turned the referrals down, some for medical reasons and some for whatever else. i am terrified that this will happen to us but at the same time i have a sense of this being the right choice for us.
at any given moment there are a thousand different worries, stresses and random weird thoughts running through my brain. the health of the child who is probably already born (is he or she crying and if so will someone go to him/her?), the birthmother of that child (her prenatal health, mental health, alcohol consupmtion, peace with her choice), the 1st trip where we'll have to leave bek (which we've never done for more than a night, oh the heartache!), the second trip where we'll be taking bek (if god willing we've even made it that far and the referral is the child of our dreams!), this one includes a whole other string of thoughts like dear god please don't let him have an asthma attack on the trip, or what if he does and we take his nebulizer and the power blows, oh note to self take extra power converter, maybe even 3 power converters; of us all staying in a tiny expensive moscow apartment for weeks, i hope it has internet, if the first or second trip will fall on bek's birthday, if we'll be able to make a trip to the bathhouse cuz that sure was fun in KZ, that i am in need of a good pair of summer shoes that are both fashionable and comfortable, don't forget homestudy will need updating in april and don't forget to do FBI checks at this time and oh don't forget about chest x-rays/TB tests....hey, did i leave laundry in the washing machine...
There's really no end to it and sometimes I'm amazed the brain has the capacity that it does!